Divorce is usually the last resort in an unhealthy relationship. It has a negative connotation in society and leaves us with a negative self-image. Many people say they feel like a failure and are lost about what to do next. Ending the relationship rarely ends the problems and emotions surrounding the divorce. Feelings of self-doubt, anger, betrayal, sadness and loneliness are often present long after the divorce is final.
I have been helping couples, individuals and children navigate divorce for over 10 years. I also ran a support group for many years and that gave me great insight to many of the issues surrounding divorce. Most of my work has been with depression and anxiety in adults and children in regards to divorce. Of course, there are a lot of nuances in divorce, including financial problems, custody issues, and dating again. I have handled difficult custody battles and aggressive co-parenting with success. Individuals that do not heal from past divorce often carry that hurt and resentment into the future.
Lastly, I want to address children in divorce situations. As parents, we try to protect our children from negative feelings. However, in cases of divorce, children are often thrust right into the middle without our knowledge. Simple things such as, asking them to tell the other parent something, can lead to anger and resentment.
Children process the family splitting differently than the adults. They have the right to continue loving both parents without interference from the other parent. The adjustments children make are greater. They now have to split time and adhere to two households’ rules. Often, children feel responsible for the parents’ happiness. They do not have the same outlet as adults because the people they trust most are at odds with each other. This is why it is important to seek counseling even though they seem “fine”.
I hope you find this helpful and I am available to answer your questions via email or phone.